By Fuana Tmarsel —-
Mark Twain once said, why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. In the United States, dirty politics is acceptable. Often political opponents take archeological excursions in hope of digging up enough dirt on their rival to destroy them.
As a small island this strategy doesn’t quite work because rumors spread like wild fire and often times many of us know a little dirt on someone. Similarly, exposing other’s family dirt may involve our families as well, so it is safe to leave the past where it’s at and move into the future. I for one have had a relative dating a brother because they did not realize they shared the same father. Yea.. well, you say it is disgusting, but most family secrets are dirty, otherwise they will not be secrets at all.
I mean nobody puts them on their resume, that’s why political rivals take joy unearthing them. However, life is not all politics and in order to create a future one must understand how past solecism affects our present so that we can avoid committing the same errors, otherwise we will find ourselves living out that maxim – history repeats itself.
Some destructive behaviors that persist in our lives can be traced to our ancestors. For instance, divorce, child molestation, alcoholism, mental illness, jealousy, rage, suicide etc. are behaviors that can be passed on by our ancestors – if it shows a pattern in the family; especially if it has occurred more than twice in one family (siblings and their children). Just as diseases such as hypertension, diabetes, and obesity are inherited, so can sinful behaviors such as mentioned above. In other words, we do not just inherit our ancestors’ good looks, intellects and athletic aptitude, we are also heir to their defeat.
So what do we do with something that we had no power over, you might say? We are not able to correct the past and hiding or denying it, will only increase the chance that it will inflict our offspring. The best way to deal with our family secret or shame is to confess it, not deny it, and not publicly confess, but privately to God, asking for His forgiveness for yourself and on behalf of your relatives.
Pride will provoke us to seek vengeance on those who brought exposure, but this will prove destructive in the long run. It is better to entrust our hurt to God and let Him take over. An Indian friend of mine once told me that when he was a little boy he watched MV Doulos (missionary ship) unmoor from the dock where he stood and made its way to the open sea. As he watched the world’s biggest floating library disappear into the vast ocean, it looked so very tiny – just then he heard the Lord said to him, “there is no sin too big that God’s grace cannot hold.” Most of us think our family is perfect when we are young, but as we mature we learn that all humans are prone to error; and some with shameful ones. But part of being mature is loving them despite knowing them, and vice-versa. May God bless you as you entrust your past, present and future to Him.
